「编前语」
电影大师伍迪·艾伦长于汲取无声片喜剧的长处，合作自己一套带有稠密地方色彩的机敏对白，创造出了许多受人们欢迎的喜剧著作。小编今日为咱们奉上他的经典语录调集，一起来感触大师的诙谐气质吧！
「关于性爱」
My love life is terrible.The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
我的感情生活十分糟糕，我最终一次进入一个女性的身体是观赏自在女神像。
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
我和我的老婆仅有一次一起取得高潮是在法官签署离婚文件时。
The difference between sex and death is,with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you.
性和逝世的差异在于，逝世你可以独立完结，并且没有人会嘲笑你。
Having sex is like playing bridge.If you don’t have a good partner,you’d better have a good hand.
做爱就像是玩桥牌。假如你的伙伴不怎么样，你最好仍是依托自己的双手吧。
On bisexuality:It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
玩双性恋可以马上让你周六晚的约会时机翻倍。
Don’t knock masturbation;it’s sex with someone I love.
不要诽谤撸；撸是我与自己的真爱之间发作的联系。
Sex alleviates tension.Love causes it.
性减轻压力，爱情则相反。
Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer,sex raises some pretty good questions.
爱是答案。但是当你在等答案的时分，性会提出几个很好的问题。
「伍迪艾伦的哲学」
Can we actually "know" the universe?My God,it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
咱们可以切当的了解世界吗？我的天呐，能在唐人街不走失就够不易的了。
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind-a pretty uncomfortable thought,particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
世界只是天主的一闪念——这是个叫人很不舒畅的想法，特别是假如你刚刚付了买房子的首期。
Eternal nothingness is O.K.if you're dressed for it.
永久的虚无没什么所谓，假如你为之穿戴恰当的话。
Not only is there no God,but try getting a plumber on weekends.
不只天主不存在，你试试看周末能不能找到一个水管工吧。
「人生感悟」
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people.The good ones slept better...while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
世上大体分红好坏两种人，好人晚上睡得结壮，而坏人更享用醒着的时刻。
80 percent of success is showing up.
百分之八十的成功是参与。
「关于伍迪艾伦自己」
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
我人生的一大惋惜就是我不是他人。
To you I'm an atheist;to God,I'm the Loyal Opposition.
对你们来说，我是个无神论者；对天主来说，我是个忠诚的反对派。
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work;I want to achieve immortality through not dying.I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen;I want to live on in my apartment.
我不想经过我的著作到达永存，我想经过不死来到达。 我不想活在人们心里，我想活在我的公寓里。
The two biggest myths about me are that I'm an intellectual,because I wear these glasses,and that I'm an artist because my films lose money.Those two myths have been prevalent for many years.
人们对我最大的两个误解是：他们只是由于我戴眼镜就以为我是知识分子；他们总以为我是艺术家，由于我的电影总是赔钱。 这两个误解曾盛行一时。
